Do you ever drive down the highway and see a sign that you do a double take on? Or, you’re in a store and see a sign and wonder, “What were they thinking?” Over the past week or so I’ve come across some signs and billboards that got my attention for one reason or another.
The first picture is a billboard on US-31 in Michigan. I don’t need to know that Michiganders are proud of breastfeeding. Really, I don’t. Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice that they’re proud. I just don’t need to see a 10-foot breast on the highway telling me that. I’m easily distracted by much smaller ones. I’ve got enough on the road to deal with already. The next thing you know, there’s going to be a 10-foot athletic cup with the caption, “Michigan Men Protect Their Jewels With Pride.”
This second picture is from a urinal in a men’s restroom. As I was standing there doing my thing, I read the following: “Place hand in front of automatic eye for 15 seconds to flush.” Ah huh. I’m going to just stand there for 15 seconds and wait for the stupid urinal to decide and flush. Sorry, folks. Ain’t gonna happen. Maybe five seconds but not 15. Do they really expect someone to stand around that long just to get their urinal to flush? Either put a handle on it or make it flush automatically. I’d like to know how many people are really going to stand around that long and do it. Actually, I’d like to meet the idiot that designed this.
The third picture is a sticker on a 2010 Chevy Camaro SS. My daughter and I were looking at the new Camaros. Back in 2008, the state of California (surprise!) mandated these stickers on their cars. Apparently, they’re finding their way onto cars in all the states. I guess they’re supposed to shame you into buying a “greener” car. The sticker says, “Protect the environment, choose vehicles with higher scores.” Yeah, right. How many people are going to really use this sticker as a determining factor in their car purchase? If someone is in the market for a performance car, then the car’s looks, horsepower and features are going to sway that individual, not the global warming factor. If you’re into economical or high mileage cars, you’re going to look at price and mpg. I can’t imagine that someone is going to use the “Global Warming Factor” or “Smog Score” on the sticker. Plus, if two cars are almost identical in features, engines, etc., chances are, the scores will be pretty much the same. I can just hear the auto customers now. “Gee Mary, I really had my heart set on the Dodge Viper with the 600hp V10 engine but the Ford Taurus has a much higher global warming score so I guess I’ll get the Ford!”
If you’re not familiar with the Onion News Network, you should take a look at some of their stuff. They’ve got some hilarious little 2-3 minute fake news segments. There are video spoofs on politics, gender, business, etc. They’re definitely worth a few minutes of your time. If you can’t laugh at any of these, please seek professional counseling. Below are a few of my recent favorites:
Obama Supporters: The Aftermath
White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar
Here are a few funny writings from young children about the ocean.
– This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
– Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
– If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all around you, you are incontinent. (age 7)
– Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
– A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 7)
– My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
– When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
– Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
– I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
– Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
– When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
– The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
– My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
If you’re a chocolate aficionado then you have to try Brookside’s Dark Chocolate Covered Pomegranates. These things are awesome. If you like chocolate covered raisins, almonds, etc., then you’re going to love these. The quality of the dark chocolate is excellent and the taste of the pomegranates will make your mouth water. This is definitely my new favorite chocolate treat. Pop one or two of these in your mouth and you’re in for a great chocolate high. They’ll probably even cure PMS, depression and any drug addition you might have! If you like chocolate but don’t like these, then you’re in serious need of medical attention.
The best price by far for a 2 lb. bag is at Costco. Amazon.com also carries them but they’re over $17 there and only a little over $9 at Costco. Wal-Mart carries them in a 12 oz. plastic tub but I don’t know what they charge.
Let me warn you though. These things are addictive. Bet you can’t eat just one.
Here’s some interesting music if you’re ready for a change of pace. This music would probably fall under the genre of Electronic/Indie. I’ve been listening to a few new groups lately like Moby, Flow Machines and now, The Knife. The Knife are a musical duo from Sweden. The band consists of siblings Karin Dreijer Andersson and Olof Dreijer. To say they’re a little different would be an understatement. They pretty much shun most public appearances. Even when they win Grammys for their work, they don’t ever show up for the award presentations. They’re more or less anti-mainstream media and have their own record label, Rabid Records. The picture above is from an interview they did for a station in Stockholm, Sweden.
Below are three of my favorite songs from their albums. The links will take you to the YouTube versions of the songs. Be forewarned though. Some of the videos are pretty bizarre but worth a look. Enjoy.
1. Silent Shout
2. Pass This On
3. Marble House
For their official website, click here.
For their Wikipedia entry, click here.
I first came across the story of Leonard Abess in a Reader’s Digest article in their July 2009 magazine. He’s the CEO of the Miami-based City National Bank. When he recently sold his majority stake in the bank, he gave $60 million dollars of his profit to all of his current employees and retirees in the form of bonuses based on years served. The guy didn’t tell anyone about it. He didn’t publicize it in any way. He just did a great thing without looking for any pat on the back. Compared to all the self-centered and egotistical CEOs we seem to read about every day, Leonard Abess is a real hero – a decent man. This is the kind of guy I want to work for. He genuinely appreciates his employees and gave them a lot more than the typical lip service most bosses in his position do. In today’s business environment, he is a beacon of hope and someone that more bosses need to emulate. Obviously, not all bosses are in a position to give the type of monetary rewards that he did. However, there are a lot of ways that bosses can reward and recognize their employees. Simple things that employees can appreciate and feel good about.
Odd Thomas is the first book in a series by author Dean Koontz. Koontz is a prolific author, having written dozens of books over the years. This series, and the main character, Odd Thomas, are indeed “odd”. I’m not even sure what drew me to these books in the first place. I was just perusing the aisles in the library and came upon the Koontz section. I grabbed three of the books in the series, Odd Thomas, Forever Odd and Odd Hours. The first few pages of the book, for me at least, were bizarre. I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep reading the book, but the more I read, the more I liked the plot and the style. His description of characters and scenes is very colorful and detailed. I’ve never read a book with this style of writing. Koontz has a different sense of humor from most authors I’ve read. The main character, Odd Thomas, is a short-order cook at a grille in the little town of Pico Mundo, a desert town in California. One of Odd’s special gifts is his ability to see dead people. Koontz spins a tale laced with interesting characters, humor and spirituality. I think what I liked about the book was the refreshing style and undertone of good versus evil.