1. I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my butt.
2. The fastest way to a fisherman’s heart is through his fly.
3. Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.
4. Beer: making women look better since 1965.
5. Before giving someone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare!
6. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man there are two.
7. Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
8. Confucius say “Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”
9. Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
10. Dewey, Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)
11. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
12. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
13. Energizer bunny arrested; charged with battery.
14. Flies spread disease. Keep yours closed!
15. God gave man a brain and a penis but only enough blood to operate one at a time.
16. First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering…
17. Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.
18. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
19. House guarded by shotgun 3 days a week. Guess which days?
20. I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?
21. If everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane.
22. If you can read this, I can deploy your air bag!
23. If you’re against logging, try wiping your butt with plastic.
24. Relish today…Ketchup tomorrow
25. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
